Stop the Self-Sabotage – How to Love Yourself

Written by Arika

January 10, 2011

Remember last week I told you LaTara Ham-Ying would be guest blogging here this week? Well I’m so happy to share her first post with you today. I think you’re really going to love this post and I encourage you to read, really read the words she’s so graciously shared with us today about loving yourself. Keep reading and take the time to think about where you can stop the self-sabotage in your own life – we all do it in one form or another and I for one think it’s time we stopped and loved ourselves for the creature God designed us as.

At the end of the post, LaTara has generously offered to give free personal coaching to one person from this blog. But, you must comment in order to win. I would like to ask you to do more than just comment though, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post and really engage in some deep conversation with you about this topic. LaTara and I both will be around to join in the conversation and help you kick the self-sabotage to the curb! :)

Without further ado, here is my mentor in Christ and best friend, Mrs. LaTara Ham-Ying! Enjoy!

Stop the Self-Sabotage – How to Love Yourself

Every day, almost everywhere we look we’re bombarded with someone else’s idea of perfection. We’re told, “You need this,” “You should wear this” and “You need to be this way or that way,but no one tells us that we’re just fine.

In this society of “whoever has the most toys wins,” no one really does.

A perfect example of self-sabotage is the story of Madame Bovary. It’s a story about a woman who has it all: a loving and devoted husband, wonderful children, a beautiful house, public standing and respect, and a family who loves her dearly.

When she was young, she went to a fancy ball at a count’s home. For the rest of her life she compared everything to that one night. Nothing she ever had was enough. She cheated on her husband and ran them into debt to fill the hole in her life that she, herself, had created.

In the end, she ruined herself and her family all because nothing was ever good enough for her.

We do that to ourselves with negative thinking about our bodies, wanting more things, and trying to make ourselves something we aren’t. We watch TV and movies and see perfection: the perfect romance and the dashing hero saving the damsel, where everyone is beautiful, heroic and perfect.

That’s fiction. We need to learn to accept ourselves and enjoy the good things we have in our own lives. That’s reality and the only way to really love one’s self.

Here are a few areas where you may be comparing yourself to others. You’ll find out how to get away from the “societal norm” so you can be on your way to loving yourself for who you are.

Your Body

Hollywood would have us think that everyone is tanned, skinny, fit and has perfect hair, teeth and skin. But it’s all a facade! You can’t compare yourself to that imagined picture of beauty.

Your personal beauty comes from inside you. Write down the things that you love about yourself. If you’re overweight and unhappy about it, then do something! Change how you eat or get out and walk a little everyday. Not everyone is a supermodel, nor is everyone supposed to be.

Your Career

If you’re stuck in a job you hate, find a new one. If your work is making you physically ill, it’s time to move on. That misery you feel will carry over to the rest of your life.

Figure out what you love doing and then find a way to get paid to do it. It’s not easy, and it might not happen overnight, but if you love what you do, your entire life outlook improves.

Your Possessions

We’re bombarded with ads for stuff and they all look so amazing. We find ourselves wanting more and more things, but do we really need them? Possessions won’t fill any personal void you have or provide you with true happiness.

What is it you’re missing in your life? Figure that out and then fill that need, but be honest and realistic with yourself about it.

Your Relationship

If you’re in a healthy relationship and you’re truly in love for several decades, then you’re very blessed. In reality, as a relationship goes on for months and years, it may not be that whirlwind of romance anymore and you can’t always expect your partner to be breathtaking.

Yet, no matter what you see on TV, a relationship always takes work and sacrifices. Think of ways to make your relationship feel new and exciting, and take joy in the fact that you have someone who loves you.

Your Past

The past is just that – the past. You can’t do anything about the past, except learn from it. You can’t base your life around a singular event no matter how great or terrible it was. All you can do is remember and learn from it.

Don’t let something that happened eat you up and destroy your future. Instead, think about how you can become better from it, and then make the commitment to move forward.

Love Yourself

Lastly, remember that you are who you are. Everyone is supposed to be different; it’s what makes you special. There’s no one in the world who is exactly like you and that makes you special, unique and amazing.

Talk to the people who care about you. They can help you see yourself the way they do. This can help you understand why they love you and why you should love yourself.

Heed these tips to find a renewed satisfaction in yourself, your loved ones, and your life. You’ll be glad you did!

Where are you? How are you sabotaging yourself and denying your existence? How do you think you are hindering your relationship with God when you commit acts of self-sabotage?

I am looking forward to reading your comments. At the end of my time with Arika I will be giving one woman the chance to coach with me for one month. You will get 4 hourly sessions where, together, we will look at your mind mess, your body mess, and your spirit mess to determine what needs to be worked on, how to do it, and how you can have a better business as a result of it!  I call this my Total Soul Makeover!


LaTara Ham-Ying a certified herbalist, writer, Biblical Life Coach, entrepreneur, and the Founder of Integrated Woman Ministries; a coaching ministry that focuses on helping women find their true path through abundant integrated living. She emphasizes the use of practical Biblical Strategies for healing, transformation, and living in the NOW for a better life and business. Visit LaTara today at http://www.latarahamying and be sure to sign up for your free copy of 7 Strategies for Biblical Success.

17 Comments to “Stop the Self-Sabotage – How to Love Yourself”

  1. LeaAnn Says:

    What a wonderful post. Even if we do generally love ourselves we still need to take the time to remind ourselves of that. It’s very difficult to love others if you don’t love yourself. Everyone should be thankful for what they have, where they are and for the people they have in their lives but first you must be thankful for you. Thank you so much for this post. It helped me to remember that I’m lucky to have me as well as the 2 of you in my life.


    Arika Reply:

    So true…you can never truly love another until you’re willing to be thankful for them where they are and thankful for your own being! :) Great points.

    The feeling is mutual on having you in my life. Because literally if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be here! ;)


    LaTara Ham-Ying Reply:


    We all need reminder of the power of loving yourself. It is so important to your overall being!

    Thanks so much for your input!
    LaTara Ham-Ying´s last [type] ..Tomorrow We Stretch


  2. LaTara Ham-Ying Says:


    Thank you so much for being a host on the blog tour! I am excited to see what your readers have to say about the content. My prayer is that they are truly blessed!
    LaTara Ham-Ying´s last [type] ..Tomorrow We Stretch


    Arika Reply:

    No, thank YOU for stopping by! I could listen/read your words from God all day, every day! :)


  3. Tweets that mention Stop the Self Sabotage - How to Love Yourself | They Call Me Wahmmy -- Says:

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Arika Lewis, Michael Craig. Michael Craig said: Look what I found – Stop the Self Sabotage – How to Love Yourself | They Call Me Wahmmy [...]

  4. Divorce Attorney Pasadena Says:

    Stop the Self Sabotage – How to Love Yourself | They Call Me Wahmmy I liked your article.Good subject.


  5. Christina Says:

    Once again, totally blown away by your insights, LaTara! I think it’s part of human nature to think “the grass is greener on the other side” and wonder what life would be like if we made other decisions. The key is to follow your advice and make changes so your life is what you want it to be. I just read this quote on another blog yesterday, don’t know its origins but it was “the grass is always greener where you tend it.” Very simple yet powerful.


    Arika Reply:

    She definitely has a gift with words and stirring up your thoughts doesn’t she Christina? I love how she took a big issue, discussed it to show an example and how it makes you think about the little, often overlooked areas. A lot of people would read the post about cheating on your husband and think “I’d never go to that extreme.” and move on, but when LaTara writes/talks, for me I know I would never cheat on my husband, but instead of moving on thinking the post doesn’t pertain to me, instead it makes me think about other areas of my life her words apply to. Is it just me or does it do that to you too?

    “The Grass is Always Greener Where You Tend It!” – LOVE IT!


    Christina Reply:

    Absolutely agree Arika! Especially with this post, which covers so many different aspects of our lives. It never hurts to reflect on life and if it’s truly going the way or direction you want it to go.


    LaTara Ham-Ying Reply:

    Christina really that is what the integrated approach is all about. Every facet of ours lives must be transformed for a life that is beneficial and a business that will truly successful!
    LaTara Ham-Ying´s last [type] ..Tomorrow We Stretch

    LaTara Ham-Ying Reply:

    HA! Arika, thank you so much. Trust me sometimes I feel like I am shooting blanks but God always shows me different! I am a thought provoker and I love what the Lord is doing through me!


    LaTara Ham-Ying Reply:

    Thank you Christina! Sometimes I blow my own mind :)

    I love that quote you shared about the grass being greener when you tend to it. That makes perfect sense. So many times we are looking for something better, when we have all we need right before us. All we have to do is cultivate and nurture it more.

    Thanks for sharing!


  6. Blog Tour Twitter Party Says:

    [...] to remind you that this week we are over at They Call Me WAHMMY where the topic right now is about self-sabotage and Friday we will be talking about why God wants you to balance! To find out about there the other [...]

  7. Eren Mckay Says:

    So true LaTara!
    Thanks for reminding us of these timeless truths. Deep down we know these things but the “world” sometimes finds a way of sneaking a little dissatisfaction into our hearts. Gratitude is a wonderful thing to keep at the front of our minds.
    Eren Mckay´s last [type] ..What is Emotional Health


  8. Stacie Says:

    There are defianetly a few things in this article that rang true with me. I just want to stop the self sabotage before it ruins me and my family.


  9. Winnie Says:

    I am in a relationship that is so fulfilling in nearly every way. I would never say perfect because we are learning from each other all the time. He has never once asked me to change or be different from who I am. He likes me hyper, funny, full of energy and emotion. I, however, am having trouble. I went inknowing that he was not an overemotional guy. He has come leaps and bounds for, gasp, ME. He finds the quirks I have about needing to know what he has for dinner cute and he has always maintained that he wants to do better by me so he stops disappointing me. However, I cannot get past that I need to know what he had for dinner or where in the country he is on his motorcycle trip. I am not, or at least don’t want to be, a control freak. Should people who are in relationships communicate these daily things? Or is life really just mundane enought that talking about dinner is no biggie? If he does practically everything else great is an informational text, with no lovey, a big deal in the very large scheme of our lives and future together. Especially when both parties have committed to this?


Leave a Reply

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

CommentLuv badge